Go ahead and laugh
As I sat in my leggings and an old t-shirt, watching Hallmark Christmas movies, I recognized the sound of an incoming message on my phone. I glanced down and saw it was a news report. The headline caught my attention.
“Unusual accident near Emporia may have disrupted funeral plans in Wichita.”
That is exactly the kind of thing that piques my reporter’s eye, especially knowing I have a crazy brain and even crazier sense of humor. I had to know why this accident was described as unusual, and why it would disrupt funeral plans. Did the driver call ahead and yell “Halt!” and if that was the case, why do they say, “may have?” I’m thinking if the vehicle was headed to a funeral, an accident would have disrupted their plans.
This is a direct quote from the article: “The Sheriff’s Office noted that the driver remained uninjured, however, there had been a deceased individual in the vehicle that had been in transit to Wichita.”
Excuse me?
If the deceased “had been” in the vehicle, where was he or she now? And if the deceased “had been” in transit to Wichita, again, where was he or she going now?
I do not mean to laugh at another’s anguish, but sometimes I can’t help myself.
If my deceased loved one had been enroute to his funeral and engaged in a crash where there were no injuries other than the vehicle, I probably wouldn’t have laughed right away. But with me you never know.
With the passing of time, and looking back, I’m certain I’d have been cracking up.
Why, you might ask. Why would I, or how could I, think this is a hilarious situation, even before knowing the driver was unharmed?
My warped mind started spinning like it does and I tried to think of what could have happened to the deceased in this situation. I mean, Dude was already gone, right? The dearly departed may have had the ride of his or her life… er… death.
I decided a bad accident could have torn him or her apart… literally… and that wouldn’t be good. I’ve seen accidents where people are torn up…literally. On the bright side, at least this time it wouldn’t have been bloody.
A bad accident might have thrown him or her from the vehicle completely, prompting the Sheriff to search the underbrush and gullies for his or her perfectly preserved yet lifeless body. How strange it would be to see a person in their “Sunday best” with a permanent smile on their face, a full face of make-up and appearing to be asleep while lying in a ditch.
The deceased might have risen and become one of the Walking Dead. Another scenario that would not be good. Do we dare to laugh about zombies? All I can say is they tend to have a tough time keeping themselves together.
Or better yet, perhaps God’s angels swooped down and grabbed him or her quickly since the human escort seemed irresponsible. But, after giving it some thought, that wouldn’t have happened because the angels don’t have much use for the body, which at this point, was all that was left. Body and hardware.
Still, I feel badly for those family members who were awaiting the arrival of their loved one. Nobody wants to have a funeral when the deceased is not in attendance.
When my husband passed, I was “warned” that he may not be back in time for the services. I wondered why we would have a memorial service if the guest of honor wasn’t there. It’s not like I wanted to host a funeral. I didn’t want to say goodbye, especially when he was obviously not ready. (Any other time he’d have been pacing the floor waiting for me to get ready.) Fortunately for us, he arrived just in time. He always had been dependable.
That said, when my mother passed, she was on vacation and was flown home in the cargo hold of a Boeing 737. Once I finished pitching a fit over her not having her own seat (!), my attention turned to her casket, where I had to test the pillows to make sure she would be comfortable. (Yes, you are hearing my eyes roll.)
I don’t mean to offend anyone, and sincerely hope I have not. Please understand my body has mostly healed these past few years, but my mind…. Let’s just say it has a mind of its own.
I’ve decided not only is life weird, but so is the lack thereof.
-Jyll Phillips, Slightly Off Key Lincoln Sentinel-Republican Editor Emeritus
